Yesterday was Sunday, which is my favourite day of the week. It is my day to decompress, relax and mentally prepare for the week ahead. In fact, I call it Self-Love Sunday in my house, because I mindfully go about my day, just listening to my body and my soul and nourishing it with whatever it is asking for.
I start it with a lovely cup of coffee, or tea, or lemon water, whatever it is I need that day. Traditionally, the children and I have my homemade vegan pancakes, maple syrup and a side of fruit. We lounge in our pajamas for the morning; I don’t rush to curl my hair, to do make-up. The laundry gets washed, I tidy the kitchen, candles are burned, muffins are baked, we sit in the sun and later, nap in it.
Mila does a craft and I arrange fresh cut flowers, we watch a movie, we stretch out in mommy’s bed, we cuddle, we eat the muffins we baked. We do yoga, mila plays with my sea shells, and crystals and river stones. We drink tea and do puzzles while supper simmers.
We break bread together when Daddy gets home. Us adults sip wine, we chat about our day, and we eat frozen fruit for dessert. The kid and I have lavender infused baths with Epsom salt. We read books and she asks questions about the Universe and I sing lullabies. Asher nurses and I cuddle him close as he nuzzles his fleece blanket.
And then its over. This restorative, calming, nourishing day. But I feel refreshed and prepared for whatever is to come. I also get to process all that happened since my last day to refresh.
This past week was a big one for me. I finally finished my succulent propagation. They took off and now I have way too many succulents! I ran out of pots to plant them in in fact. It was almost too easy to do, but I plan to use them as little gifts for friends at Christmas this year.
I also happened to book with a psychic and got my reading last Monday. She is from Kelowna B.C and we did it over the phone. It took about an hour, and was very reasonably priced for how accurate she was and for the length. Her contact info is included at the end of this post.
I’ll start this off with- I LOVE going to psychics. We have one that comes to our town every few years with a travelling Carnival and she has been surprisingly accurate for me, and I have seen her on several occasions.
What I loved about my reading with Allyson was, while there were some things that were known to me (I’m not psychic but I have a deep intuition that I tap in to and just KNOW many things before they happen or as they are happening) but there was so much that took me by surprise.
My career and what I am going to do with my career has been very agonizing for me. I love massage therapy, but I want to do something more with it, and branch out. I have this strong compulsion to want to go back to school and just learn everything, but I’m unsure of where to start! I know I would love and be talented in the medical field, but I worry about maybe not loving it as much as I think I will. And eventually feel trapped because all I will have to sacrifice, and the family will sacrifice in order to obtain a bachelors degree. So, I keep going back in forth, and talking myself out of short programs by telling myself I’m more talented and should assert myself to the greater good, to go big or go home.
What stuck out in my mind most with Allyson is she mentioned that I have this desire to self sacrifice in a big way, I wanna save the village!; and it was because I have done it so many times in my past lives; I’ve been the doctor, I’ve been the nurse, I’ve ran the apothecary, and that is why I feel so much desire to do this again and to go back to school for something medical. But she also mentioned that this life isn’t for that. She sees me doing what I always said I wanted to do as a child- Be a Mom. Just be a mom, and enjoy the family life, take things slowly and really let the joys of life sink in.
And in that moment it all made so much sense. I already knew my logical mind was talking myself in to things and out of other things and clouding the answer inside of me, but I just didn’t know how to switch that off! Allyson’s message really helped me tune in and hear what it was that I really wanted.
She encouraged me to call upon Archangel Jophiel- the Angel of Beauty whenever I wanted to search for a career or course option. She spoke that my next career would be creating beauty and showing people the beauty in the world and not the pain.
And so I did. And would you believe it, if I said, one day later I found something that speaks to my soul?
I start November 15th.
Allyson’s webpage can be found at here.
Below is my recipe for Sunday Morning Vegan Pancakes. Feel free to substitute milks, oils or flours for gluten free versions (oat, buckwheat, and other blends have worked well for me.)
I typically double the recipe because they freeze well, you just pop them in the microwave for 30 seconds and then toast for a few minutes and its like you made them fresh. Perfect for those busy mornings with hangry toddlers!
Sunday Morning Vegan Pancakes
Yields 12-15 pancakes
1 1/4th cup Flour
1tsp Baking Powder
1tsp Baking Soda
1tsp Cinnamon and a dash of Nutmeg
2tbsp Melted coconut oil and extra for the pan
1/3 Cup Warm water
1-1/4 cup Vanilla almond milk
- Turn your pan on and heat at just above medium (about a 6)
- Whisk together your dry ingredients.
- Melt your coconut oil in the pan or microwave it and add it to your mixture. Make sure to grease the pan before adding the batter.
- Use warmer water and it will prevent your coconut oil from solidifying again, then add your milk and vanilla.
- Whisk together and work out all the lumps. Turn down your frying pan to medium or just below. (about a 4) Using a 1/4th measuring cup (perfect size pancakes) pour in the batter. Once lightly brown and bubbling on the top flip!
- nomnomnomnom Enjoy!
I’m pissed off. I’m irritable. I’m anxious. I just want to run.
It’s not anyone’s fault, but its easy to blame those close to you. The children that need so much of you, your spouse, whom you’ve promised yourself to, the life you’ve signed up for. I love it all, yet my mind can make monsters of these beautiful things my life has been blessed with. And, I just want to run. Taste freedom. I just want my mind to be quiet.
I don’t run away, not exactly.
I pack up my dogs, bundle up and take off for a walk in the night. I peer up at the skies and realize it’s a nice, clear night, the stars are glimmering, but I don’t have time to look at the stars because I just really need to walk and I need to do it as fast as I can. I pick up the pace, and I’m doing the awkward Olympian speed wobble-walk.
I’m struggling to logically think my way out of this one. I just need something to do, something to keep my mind from driving myself crazy, from pointing fingers, so I just walk and walk and walk. I’m on the home stretch and I feel this voice, my own, but not my own because of how calm it is, how loud it is, booming, it creeps into my head.
And it said,
Could you get through this night, and tomorrow, and the next, if you knew this was temporary? Could you handle two years of this situation, if it meant everything you ever wanted was going to come true and you were able to live a life beyond your wildest dreams?
Yes, I thought. Of course I can. I can take two more years of this.
Then just get through tonight.
“Ok.” I say, “Ok.”
And then I’m running. I’m running as fast as I can. My dogs chasing after me, their legs stretching out into a full sprint, my feet pounding cement, our breath little clouds in the night air. I get to the top of the hill outside my house and feel compelled to do one more lap.
This time, its just for enjoyment, its just for the walk.
I’m thinking of this voice, how familiar it sounded, yet how strange it was. I felt like I had talked to God, and all at once I feel kind of crazy. And, yet, I feel kind of amazing at the same time, because after attempting for so long to connect with this inner guide, this spirit, to the Universe, to God…I finally got an answer back.
Before I know it, I’m on the home stretch again, and I’m not thinking of anything. I’m just thinking of putting one foot in front of the other, and I am just soaking in the starlight, feeling the brisk autumn air, and enjoying my walk late at night in the middle of October. My dogs are panting happily beside me and I just feel really all right with the world.
We get home, and we sink to the grass. I take off my shoes and plant them in the dewy green and slide them across the freezing earth. I feel like I’m vibrating, and I’m looking at all the light dotting the sky. I just lay there awhile, thinking of nothing, just breathing it in. I realize, I’m not where I want to be, in a tiny hamlet in the middle of no-where, far away from the worlds I want to be exploring, but that this is exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time, and there is no where else I’d rather be than here; this perfect night, watching stars streak across the clear sky, feeling the heat from my pups, the cold earth against my feet, hearing my own breath.
In, out, in, out, in, out, in.
(Image, courtesy of Athena, at Broken Curfew Photography.)
It’s Thanksgiving here in Canada, so naturally I wanted to write a post about the things I am thankful for. There are the typical things I am grateful for; my two lovely, healthy children, two years of marriage on Tuesday with my husband, my crazy but awesome family, my friends, and all the silly material possessions and creature comforts I have.
But what I really want to talk about is that other stuff; the other stuff that is really difficult to be thankful for.
I wanna talk about the depression and divorce, the assholes and anxiety. The losses and grievances, the traumas, suffering, the cancer and abuses we have faced in our time here on earth; the Human Condition.
And you might be wondering why in the hell would I be talking about those things when I want to discuss gratitude? And I will tell you this:
The Universe always has a plan. That might sound new-agey, or maybe a little too religious for you, but I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on your life and see how, although at the time you couldn’t see how this would transform you, but in hindsight everything worked out. You beat the struggle that held you back; you worked out your financial woes and despite having to wade through shit creek you got to where you are now. And most often you wouldn’t change it for the world. You know in your hearts that it has shaped who you are today.
And that’s really what it all boils down to; what did you learn, how did you grow?
The human condition, while harsh, with sharp edges and stinging realities, is our greatest lesson. The people that make you grit your teeth, that make you struggle to keep your calm, those individuals are your greatest teachers, not the ones that make you at ease. It is these human conditions that strip us bare and rub us raw and force us to see our truths. It is these human conditions that create the environment to invoke the greatest transformations.
So when faced with that struggle, do not shy away. See this pain as a purpose and a call for change. Be thankful for this lesson, and be open to the change. Do not fight the current, accept what you cannot control and move on.
You may still be sitting there wondering, “why in the hell should I ever be thankful for (insert adversity here,) and if the mention that it is for a greater purpose is not enough, I will tell you this.
In this Universe made of energy, we too are energetic beings. Our thoughts are energy stretching out into the Universe, which is like a mirror and is bounced back to us. So when faced with a struggle, if we answer with bitterness, and anger and feel victimized; that is what will be reflected back to you. Your emotion during the event is telling you what is coming. After a period of time you will see your life beginning to develop a pattern, like a broken record. By stopping yourself, reflecting on your past experiences, and having faith that all will work out, that you are being taken care of, and by expressing gratitude for this lesson; you open yourself up to a positive vibration and one that will indefinitely return positivity to you.
So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for this bout of depression I have experienced. This thing that has tested me, taunted me and forever changed me. I am thankful for the people who have hurt me, and I forgive them. I do not forgive for their benefit, but for my own. I forgive them so that I may be free. I forgive them so that I can be open to receive all the wonders that the Universe has for me. I am grateful and I forgive because that is Freedom.
On a side note, I started a new fall tradition. Last Christmas my husband and I discussed starting family traditions. After Christmas, anything “fall” is my next favourite time of year, so I knew I wanted to start something that would celebrate this transformative time.
So today, my mum, the kids and myself all went pumpkin picking, corn maze-ing and in general just enjoyed the fall weather. Unfortunately it was a very blustery fall day, so we didn’t stay as long as I had hoped, but it was still fun. We even got to meet Queen Elsa! Not exactly something that sparks the idea of ‘fall,’ but what the hell!
Wishing you all full hearts and full bellies.