I haven’t meditated much in the past week. Or yoga. Or exercised. I haven’t really done much of anything it seems other than keep my kids alive. My course work lays untouched. The laundry has piled to the point we legit ran out of towels last night at bath time (picture many, many wash cloths.) Generally I have just been feeling uninspired. The laziness of the Christmas holidays have clung on as the weather turned cold. All of this coupled with ego rearing its ugly head over perceived failures, it made for a miserable evening.
I decided enough was enough, I knew what I had to do, despite some part of me fighting it. I had to just roll out my mat. I did. Lit my incense, settled into easy pose, deep inhale.
It really was that fast. The fastest it ever has been for me, the dissipating of stress, anger, ego. I was able to tap in, get honest fast, and ask myself,
What the hell are you so pissed off about anyway?
I was frustrated over money spent on random things that haven’t worked out for me. DIY jobs, Pinterest failures, online course I shotgun signed up for. I couldn’t help but feel like a victim because of how things went. In all honesty they were kind of horrible. I’ve been experimenting, adventurous in trying new things and not everything has really worked out as I have hoped. I realized I was just wanting to get there. Wherever there was, I wasn’t sure, but it was sure causing some anxiety. Silly, I know, but it was real for me. It was real because I immediately began to be reminded of other parts of my life I have “failed” at and these just added to the list.
From deep inside, I was filled with words;
Life experiences are not failures, but an exploration of who you are. Explorations are not always finding out what you ARE, but what you AREN’T.
As calmness washed over me, I took a moment of celebration. Sure, I haven’t found my next adventure quite yet, but I sure know where I don’t belong, and that in itself deserves recognition.
Ahh. Twenty sixteen is here. The tree is down. The Christamassy decorations are away, save a little garland and twinkle lights. I won’t lie, I like to keep a little green up and about until February. Winter decor is still a must after all.
I’ve been drinking loads of tea, coffee again taking a back seat unless its a homemade latte. I suppose in that respect that nothing has really changed, tea is on repeat all day everyday no matter the season.
I didn’t rush into the New Year with a ton of energetic resolutions. I have meandered into it instead, lightly, gently. Basically that is my only resolution. Be more gentle and loving. With myself, my family, expectations. It feels good. But it also feels a little slow.
This is my least favourite time of year, the wait for spring. This is the time of year all my great outdoor plans and expectations begin to take shape, and I anxiously await spring and summer. I walk about the house, a little bored, broke from Christmas. Too chilly to enjoy the outdoors, I just can’t be bothered to leave my slippers and knits to socialize.
This year is no different. I am excited for gardening already. However I am relishing in this quiet time at home. The tea helps. The lovely fluffy slippers my hubby gifted me helps too. I’m planning and ordering pieces for little renovation projects. Completing the little tasks that have begged to be finished since we moved in is where my time is going lately. Finishing books I started previous to the holidays. And of course tea. Did I mention that yet?
I am hoping to pick things up here again soon. My writing has taken a bit of a back seat. I can only produce when it comes from the heart. I’ve written a bit here and there, but it all seemed so mechanical and never made the cut. I hope you’ll understand.
Hoping you all had a wonderful New Years XO
Love n light