Nearly two months since I have written here in this space. Two months since I’ve written really anything at all. What happened? I’ll be honest as always, I’m really not sure.
As the shift from summer to fall began I felt myself…sinking. It was strange. I wasn’t depressed per say, but I didn’t feel myself. I felt entirely melancholy for a reasons I didn’t know. So I took it as a sign to spend a little more time inward and to myself.
Social media, my blog, visits and playgroups have been on the back burner the past few months. And with this hiatus has come another change for me. I always said I would have another shift as I near my 25th birthday, despite feeling like the last one never ended; and I can confirm that to be true.
In the past two months nothing has changed yet everything has. I see the world differently again. I eat differently, adopting my vegan diet again, banishing gluten and sugar without struggle, something I tried to do for over a year with near constant failure. Yet this time, it happened with ease. I’ve paired down my possessions (again) cultivating a more minimalist lifestyle. Instead, focusing on quality, and what I really need instead of just spending and consuming. I am also focusing on the environment more. Planting more trees. Choosing items with less packaging. Homemaking beauty supplies and remedies. Buying in bulk instead of purchasing bagged items. Recycling more plastic. Picking up more trash. Using less water. Turning off lights and unplugging televisions and other electronics. Spending more time walking instead of driving. I’m choosing healthier options when it comes to my home, my clothes, my dish ware, my food.
Social media means less to me. I feel like I see it for what it really is. Instead, while I am technically doing less, I am living more intentionally. Which is hard in a world where everything is going a mile a minute. It is hard being this way in this world too, I struggle to see where I fit in. Part of the reason I quit eating vegan was the flak I caught from everyone. I was tired of having to explain myself and deal with people berating me for trying to eat and be healthy and do something good for animals and the environment. The other part was, I was afraid it was contributing to my depression, which was entirely and utterly false. So adding gluten and sugar free to the mix, albeit mostly temporary (I plan to indulge in the future after my treatment protocol is finished, but otherwise stay gluten and sugar free) has certainly created riffs, people chuckling, and the throwing of the word “hipster” around. But I digress.
It has been a strange yet imperative time for me. I have continued to remind myself that it will pass eventually, that with all evolution typically comes discomfort. To embrace the seasons of letting go and change; because with every death comes the birth of something else and so often something far greater than we could ever imagine.