Shortly after announcing my pregnancy I had a lot of people ask me,
“are you scared?”
“are you nervous?”
“What about what happened last time.” (preterm delivery, Postpartum depression)
At first I wasn’t really sure how to answer. Depending on whether I wanted to explain myself or not really summed it up, because the answer is,
I struggled with the fear of having one more for quite some time. And it haunted me, because I felt this pull, this knowing, that there was one more waiting for us. People often chime, “you just know when you’re done.” And after Asher, I immediately knew I wasn’t. However, right when I saw the double line and after the initial shock of discovering I was pregnant again, I felt relief. We were done, this was it. I finally felt it.
But then the fear crept in again. Was I pressing in my luck? I had two healthy children, and I feel so fortunate that they are. But what if this one is ill? Or has other complications? I felt anxiety creeping in, which is not something I typically experience. I wrestled with it day and night, trying to rationalize my way out of an irrational thought that; because I had been lucky twice, I was going to be unlucky this time.
I think that this is a common experience in life, even outside of pregnancy. Everyone has their ultimate fear that plays out in future situations, or makes you feel guilty about past encounters. Its simply a part of the human mind, and the human experience. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be changed, understood, or fixed. There is a way out of the dysfunction, one that dampens the voice of fear in your mind so that you can see what is truly there. And after a short time of trying to use my rational mind to silence an irrational part of the psyche, I turned to my little tool box of serenity and surrendered.
There was nothing in my outside world that was telling me my child would be ill, or that something was going to occur. It was a completely made up concept in my mind that was causing me unrest. I was going to take this fear head on, because I could recognize the harm it was causing me.
The tools I use to bust through fear are simple.
I call out whatever fear it is that I am experiencing. And if I can analyze it for a little longer, I might see what actually is really driving this fear. For me, the fear of having something happen to my child is, I’m not good enough, deserving enough, to have been blessed three times. (I know thats kind of awful isn’t it?) My Highest Self knows this to be false, but the mind, or the Ego, does a pretty good job in making it believable.
So I call out my fear. I say, “This fear is not real. I choose to see this from a more loving perspective.”
And I immediately sit in meditation.
Releasing Fear Meditation
Come to a comfortable seat and close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself and clear your mind.
Run a body check and see if you can feel tension or can sense the fear residing in a part of your body, and take note. If you don’t thats okay.
Inhale- “I know this fear based thought is not real.”
Exhale- “I invite serenity in.”
Inhale- “I am willing to see this differently”
Exhale- “I am releasing this fear, now.”
Inhale- “I choose Love over Fear.”
Exhale- “I choose Love over Fear.”
and so it is.
You can repeat this section of the meditation as many times as you wish, or until you feel relief. After, simply sit, repeating the mantra, “I choose Love over Fear.” on each inhale and exhale.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and take in the room.
This meditation can be used anytime, anywhere. When I first started using meditation as a way out of fear and anxiety I found instant relief. Some things left easily. Others, well they kind of held on. I did this meditation for my particular fear over Baby Sprinkles (Mila named them, lol) many, many times, before the fear simply no longer mattered. At any moment I felt a negative thought regarding Sprinkles I simply inhaled, recited my mantra, and exhaled.
I hope this mantra meditation assists you and you find the serenity that resides within. Practice it anytime.
Wishing you wellness and happiness, always.
wearing kundalini gown.
lately, I’ve been in a “low vibe state.” And what I mean by that is, we are all beings made of light and energy, and therefore vibrate at certain frequencies. Everything does. And you can change your vibration according to how you live, and your thoughts. The higher the vibration, the better, the more attuned you are.
You can get an idea of your vibration by asking, “how do I feel?”
Do you feel light, energetic, and assured? Or do you feel scattered, maybe depressed, or feel lost?
and lately, I’ve been feeling not myself. Lethargic. Irritable. A bit apathetic. And my inner world is matching my outer world. I keep accidentally hurting myself and dropping things and those around me are kind of feeling and doing the same. And it’s a total bummer! But your vibe attracts your tribe…
So, how do you fix it?
Well for me, I fully believe that in order to change you have to be in a spiritually aligned place. Meaning, Center yourself, connect back in with Spirit, release what’s blocking you, and begin again. My favourite way to do this is with mantra meditation using a Mala.
Be seated in easy pose, hold your Mala in thumb and first finger on bead number one. Then recite your mantra, and move to the next bead. It’s the Buddhist form of a rosary basically.
My favourite mantras are,
•sat nam (truth identified)
•so ham (I am (one with the universe)) and of course
•Ohm (which was said to be the first sound at the beginning of the universe and unblocks the throat chakra.)
You can say these in your head, or aloud. Or you can make your own depending on what you need.
•I am enough.
•I am beautiful.
•I am strong.
•I am a being of love and light.
It’s your practice. Choose what works for you. And any amount of time is beneficial. Start with one minute and work your way up to 11. And if you really don’t want to do it, then you should do it twice. I promise you’ll feel better.
I taught my very first official meditation class last night to a beautiful group of souls. I wasn’t nervous going in to it but as soon as I started I felt a little wisp of doubt well up inside me.
I finished the first meditation and journaled my experience, finishing with, “I can do this, I was meant for this, and this is my calling. Just keep going!”
Before beginning the next meditation I quickly pulled a card and this was what came up. A little reminder that I’m being supported and that my dreams are becoming a reality, I just need to be patient.
I can only giggle to myself because it never fails when I pull a card, to get exactly what I need to hear. I’ve been told my Archangel is Jophiel and she delivered right when I needed it. And every time I pull cards for myself I always get the same answer.
Just. keep. going.
And as we settled into the next meditation I felt myself grow calm and comfortable and was able to smoothly finish the rest of the class.
I felt supported. I felt connected. And I couldn’t help but feel as if this was just the beginning to something really fun, beautiful, and always, transformational.
a geometric figure representing the Universe
Mandala means circle in Sanskrit. It represents wholeness, unity, togetherness. It is a reminder of our infinity into the cosmos. It reminds us how we are all one. That the light in me is the light in you. That we all are of the same energy, created from the same place of Love.
Mandalas can be used to tell a story; your story, and illustrate your journey as you make our way through your days.
Mandalas are used in meditation, to absorb one into the design, to set intentions, and then pray to manifest them. They are used to calm the mind, let the mundane thoughts slip away and focus in to your true self.
I get questioned lots on ‘how does this help? how could this possibly make the world better? how does prayer do anything?”
And it is the fundamental aspect of unity, the change of self , that makes a difference. Because when the Ego falls away, when judgment, comparison, and separation of self dissipates, and we see everyone for what they are: A Soul, the same as us- a miracle happens. Think, if everyone thought to see each other a beings of Love instead of labels – how beautiful a place would we live in?
Its hard to change the world, but its easier to change yourself. So start there. Set the intentions of love, peace and compassion and they will ripple out into the Universe. This ripple will reflect back, as the Universe is an echo, leaving miracles and peace in its wake.
(mandala dress by California Moonrise)
You might be wondering what “get quiet” means and how exactly to do that. It means to stop the mindless chatter in your head. The judgement, the nagging, the voice that criticizes you and everyone around you. Getting quiet means to separate yourself from this voice. Getting quiet means to be present in the moment without tuning in to that voice, which might be confusing because we typically believe this voice is ME, the narrator of our life. But it is not. This voice is the dysfunction of our true Self. The best way to “get quiet” or turn inward, is through breath, because when you focus on your breath you are immediately drawn into the present moment.
Give it a try. All you need is one minute of dedication, no time is wasted, all is beneficial. Set a timer, and focus on your breath. Is it wet or dry, in your belly or lungs? Focus on how you feel, come in to your body, by focusing on your fingers, toes, precisely how you’re sitting, everything your body is feeling in that moment. If your mind wanders, bring it back to your breathing. It is as simple as that.
This is how you connect with yourself, or connect within. And if you have been questioning your purpose, or how to be happy, this is a wonderful way to begin.
And if you question the notion that being present brings happiness, just think to the moments in your life where you have felt most alive. What were you doing? When do you have the most fun, or feel exhilarated? Is it when you are traveling, doing extreme sports, painting? What makes you so absorbed you forget you are hungry? These moments are when we are most present, and they make us feel alive because we have dedicated all of our being into doing that exact task. We remember it because we aren’t thinking of some menial task to do at the office, or the argument we had with our spouse. Can you imagine if you dedicated as much attention to snowboarding down a mountain, as we did gathering the mail, or groceries, how much more meaningful our lives would be? How much easier would it be to find what makes us happy, if we were always present and processing our life before our eyes, instead of tuning in to the mindless gossip that is our Ego.
Pick up your journal and see if you can pick out the events in your life that stand out most to you. Could you apply that same mindfulness to other areas of your life?