Shortly after announcing my pregnancy I had a lot of people ask me,
“are you scared?”
“are you nervous?”
“What about what happened last time.” (preterm delivery, Postpartum depression)
At first I wasn’t really sure how to answer. Depending on whether I wanted to explain myself or not really summed it up, because the answer is,
I struggled with the fear of having one more for quite some time. And it haunted me, because I felt this pull, this knowing, that there was one more waiting for us. People often chime, “you just know when you’re done.” And after Asher, I immediately knew I wasn’t. However, right when I saw the double line and after the initial shock of discovering I was pregnant again, I felt relief. We were done, this was it. I finally felt it.
But then the fear crept in again. Was I pressing in my luck? I had two healthy children, and I feel so fortunate that they are. But what if this one is ill? Or has other complications? I felt anxiety creeping in, which is not something I typically experience. I wrestled with it day and night, trying to rationalize my way out of an irrational thought that; because I had been lucky twice, I was going to be unlucky this time.
I think that this is a common experience in life, even outside of pregnancy. Everyone has their ultimate fear that plays out in future situations, or makes you feel guilty about past encounters. Its simply a part of the human mind, and the human experience. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be changed, understood, or fixed. There is a way out of the dysfunction, one that dampens the voice of fear in your mind so that you can see what is truly there. And after a short time of trying to use my rational mind to silence an irrational part of the psyche, I turned to my little tool box of serenity and surrendered.
There was nothing in my outside world that was telling me my child would be ill, or that something was going to occur. It was a completely made up concept in my mind that was causing me unrest. I was going to take this fear head on, because I could recognize the harm it was causing me.
The tools I use to bust through fear are simple.
I call out whatever fear it is that I am experiencing. And if I can analyze it for a little longer, I might see what actually is really driving this fear. For me, the fear of having something happen to my child is, I’m not good enough, deserving enough, to have been blessed three times. (I know thats kind of awful isn’t it?) My Highest Self knows this to be false, but the mind, or the Ego, does a pretty good job in making it believable.
So I call out my fear. I say, “This fear is not real. I choose to see this from a more loving perspective.”
And I immediately sit in meditation.
Releasing Fear Meditation
Come to a comfortable seat and close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself and clear your mind.
Run a body check and see if you can feel tension or can sense the fear residing in a part of your body, and take note. If you don’t thats okay.
Inhale- “I know this fear based thought is not real.”
Exhale- “I invite serenity in.”
Inhale- “I am willing to see this differently”
Exhale- “I am releasing this fear, now.”
Inhale- “I choose Love over Fear.”
Exhale- “I choose Love over Fear.”
and so it is.
You can repeat this section of the meditation as many times as you wish, or until you feel relief. After, simply sit, repeating the mantra, “I choose Love over Fear.” on each inhale and exhale.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and take in the room.
This meditation can be used anytime, anywhere. When I first started using meditation as a way out of fear and anxiety I found instant relief. Some things left easily. Others, well they kind of held on. I did this meditation for my particular fear over Baby Sprinkles (Mila named them, lol) many, many times, before the fear simply no longer mattered. At any moment I felt a negative thought regarding Sprinkles I simply inhaled, recited my mantra, and exhaled.
I hope this mantra meditation assists you and you find the serenity that resides within. Practice it anytime.
Wishing you wellness and happiness, always.
wearing kundalini gown.