Eostre

Eostre

s p r i n g • e o s t r e
the time when light and dark are balanced. it’s a time to look around yourself and identify where there is imbalance in your life; whether in health, attitude, job, or hobby. 

spring is a time to put winter behind you, and celebrate the abundance in your life and all that is abundant around you. the patches of wildflowers, crocuses, and budding trees. birds laying eggs and other creatures waking up from a long nap. 

It is a time to rid yourself of clutter, both physically and energetically. It’s a time to begin again, to engage in action, and begin working towards all you dreamed up during the winter. 

So ask yourself, 

What have you outgrown? What do you wish to see blossom? 

Then put one foot in front of the other. One tiny action, after the other, 

And like a pebble in a pond, 

Make a wave~
and so it is,
Sat nam 

resolutions

resolutions

About this time nearly seven years ago I found myself in the office of a surgeon, discussing an upcoming day surgery to take care of an embarrassing issue; stemming from years of eating poorly, dysfunctional digestion and constipation. I’ll save you the TMI, don’t worry. Anyway, I was nervous, embarrassed, but also determined to not have to deal with this again, and was in full prevention mode.

“So, obviously I don’t ever want to deal with this again, so should I be doing some kind of cleanse or detox periodically to clean out my gut?” I asked. 

The Lemonade Diet/Maple Syrup cleanse or whatever was all the rage at this time. I also was working at Shoppers Drug Mart and part of my job was to merchandise the shelves, finding expired products, and putting new product on the shelves. My favourite was the Vitamin section because I liked reading the backs of all the medicines to see what was really in them. It was kind of like one long bathroom break when you forgot reading material, in a time before smart phones. It got me through some rough shifts. Anyway. Herbal Cleanses and Chili detoxes lined the shelves (lets face it, still do) and I was genuinely interested as well as enticed to try them.

The surgeon breathed out deeply running his hand over his cheek. He folded his hands on his desk and looked directly at me.

What he told me was the most important piece of information I think I have ever received from anyone, let alone someone in the medical field, and one that has changed my life forever.

“Don’t bother with the detoxes, the cleanses….its all just,” he waved his hand in the air. “You don’t need pills. You need food.” he cleared his throat. “The only thing you need to do is to Eat from the Earth. You do that, and all of your digestive problems will disappear. Eat as close to the Earth as possible.”

I sat there staring at him, both a bit surprised but mostly confused. Did he just prescribe me plants? A surgeon?

I shook his hand, thanked him and left. I also put the idea of pills to bed.

I went home and began looking at all the things I ate. Everything I merchandised at work I read the back before I put it on the shelf. Was this from the Earth? How did this product become this? How much did it have to go through and change in order to be in this form? What the hell is high-fructose-corn-syrup? Why was there dye in this? How was that even a necessary ingredient? Is dye bad for you? What the hell is this? What the hell is that? 

Google became my friend.

His advice also dawned on me more and more.

Calories no longer mattered to me anymore. What mattered was how long the ingredients list was. I was both terrified and angry at the food in my cupboard, the food that was available in stores that bragged to be a HEALTH PRODUCT or LOW IN FAT, that in all honesty belonged in the chip aisle. And slowly, over the next few weeks it all disappeared or was thrown away and I began asking myself, can I make this myself?

Turns out, yeah, a lot of stuff you can buy in the store is very easily and might I add cheaply made at home. Things like broth and crackers and yogurt. Things that from a store are laced with toxins, dyes, sugar and aspartame.

The snacks foods I ate, such as chocolate covered rice cakes (lets be honest its basically sugared cardboard) for a “Low cal treat” slim fast/whey protein shakes, and Fibre One bars left my cupboards. I ate apples, nuts, or vegetables for snacks instead. Ants on a log, cinnamon covered apples, trail mix and homemade granola became my staple. And the weird thing? The ten pounds I had enticed with slim fast for a time that never budged just melted off me. Despite eating loads more than I had been. It didn’t really matter the amount I ate, it matter what I ate.

Its been a seven year journey for me, but I feel I am finally where I wish to be with how I eat. I’m sure it will evolve over time too, everything does, but my diet is a far cry from how I used to eat.

So as the New Year looms and the dreaded resolutions and shitty pills, commercials and health vultures come out to play, I’d like you to maybe pause for a moment. Pause and ask yourself, Is this from the Earth? 

I can promise you, and assure you, that what you need is not a gym membership, or a shake, whey protein, or an herbacleanse. You need a prescription for plants, a pair of boots and the willingness to see whats in your backyard. Be in nature. Its much more exciting that plugging away on a treadmill in a room that smells like onions and probably full of coughed on doorknobs.

And if you don’t believe me, Dear Reader, then ask my surgeon. Or my intestines, which will give you the thumbs up.

Happy New Year and much love.

sat nam

M

2017

2017

the “freaky lettuce” has been put to good use.

the other day I was drinking tea on the sofa under the Christmas tree and thought, “wow, the new year is just around the corner. I wonder what my resolution should be this year…” and then I wondered what mine was last year. I thought I knew, but could be wrong so I found my old journal and started reading.

As I read those pages I realized for probably the first time in my life I actually achieved my New Years resolution. Sure, it took me almost all year to get there, but it’s not about how long it takes- it’s about willingness. It’s about trying again.

In the last few months of 2016, I’ve gone sugar free. I noticed since summer I’ve become a way better mother. Moving slower, more intentional, more gentle. My daily practice, while it still needs work, is certainly improving every day.

So I sat back and had a moment of gratitude. A moment of thanks, just to myself. And while my goal of getting rid of my acne once in for all-FOREVER- is still on the to do list I know that achievement is also, just around the corner.

So here’s a sneak peak at my 2017 resolution, to use my blender or juicer once a day for some 🌱💚

What is your resolution for this year??

hiatus

hiatus

Nearly two months since I have written here in this space. Two months since I’ve written really anything at all. What happened? I’ll be honest as always, I’m really not sure.

As the shift from summer to fall began I felt myself…sinking. It was strange. I wasn’t depressed per say, but I didn’t feel myself. I felt entirely melancholy for a reasons I didn’t know. So I took it as a sign to spend a little more time inward and to myself.

Social media, my blog, visits and playgroups have been on the back burner the past few months. And with this hiatus has come another change for me. I always said I would have another shift as I near my 25th birthday, despite feeling like the last one never ended; and I can confirm that to be true.

In the past two months nothing has changed yet everything has. I see the world differently again. I eat differently, adopting my vegan diet again, banishing gluten and sugar without struggle, something I tried to do for over a year with near constant failure. Yet this time, it happened with ease. I’ve paired down my possessions (again) cultivating a more minimalist lifestyle. Instead, focusing on quality, and what I really need instead of just spending and consuming. I am also focusing on the environment more. Planting more trees. Choosing items with less packaging. Homemaking beauty supplies and remedies. Buying in bulk instead of purchasing bagged items. Recycling more plastic. Picking up more trash. Using less water. Turning off lights and unplugging televisions and other electronics. Spending more time walking instead of driving. I’m choosing healthier options when it comes to my home, my clothes, my dish ware, my food.

Social media means less to me. I feel like I see it for what it really is. Instead, while I am technically doing less, I am living more intentionally. Which is hard in a world where everything is going a mile a minute. It is hard being this way in this world too, I struggle to see where I fit in. Part of the reason I quit eating vegan was the flak I caught from everyone. I was tired of having to explain myself and deal with people berating me for trying to eat and be healthy and do something good for animals and the environment. The other part was, I was afraid it was contributing to my depression, which was entirely and utterly false. So adding gluten and sugar free to the mix, albeit mostly temporary (I plan to indulge in the future after my treatment protocol is finished, but otherwise stay gluten and sugar free) has certainly created riffs, people chuckling, and the throwing of the word “hipster” around. But I digress.

It has been a strange yet imperative time for me. I have continued to remind myself that it will pass eventually, that with all evolution typically comes discomfort. To embrace the seasons of letting go and change; because with every death comes the birth of something else and so often something far greater than we could ever imagine.

sat nam

 

M

  • bare coconut taboo
  • bare coconut taboo
  • bare coconut taboo
  • bare coconut taboo

bare coconut taboo

I have recently received a new product and I am dying to tell you all about it! It is called,

Bare Coconut Taboo Collection

It is a handmade product, designed and formulated by my friend Tiffany, fellow massage therapist and momma, right here in Canada! It is made with organic and raw ingredients and >1% preservatives (which is required when water is an ingredient)

My favourite part of these products is the care and love that has gone into making them. As a mom she wanted a product that was safe and free from chemicals and anything harmful for her sweet little girl. And thus started her journey into researching and creating what has become her new passion; Bare Coconut.

My second favourite part about these products is that they are infused with cannabis which has miraculous medicinal qualities. Cannabis can be used to treat a number of ailments and disorders, such a glaucoma, epilepsy and debilitating seizures, pain, autoimmune diseases, it is a respite from the side effects of chemotherapy, a treatment for PTSD and anxiety, and as more research is being done, a multitude of other things. I just love the thought of using such a powerful plant for healing!

I specifically ordered the Fresh For Her Deodorant, and the SOAK bath product; so I was surprised when I opened it up to see some testers of her other products and now I can tell you about them too.

You might be asking why natural products? It isn’t a new thing, using nature based beauty products or deodorants, but my reasoning is this; Conventional store purchased products contain a shit load of chemicals, and our skin is our biggest organ. Its purpose is to protect and detoxify and we are inhibiting its natural function by slathering ourselves with toxins. This is directly affecting our health, our lifespan and quality of life.

And why a natural deodorant? This is due to the level of toxins, parabens and phthalates that are in conventional deodorants. The aluminum levels are harmful to our long term health. These things can cause different types of cancer, have been linked to Alzheimer’s and get this, regular deodorant can actually make you stink more. The formula actually alters the bacteria and makes the smell worse than if you skipped it altogether or used a natural formula that still allows your to sweat.

So for the Deodorant, she sent me her newest formula and her original formula which is no longer available. The biggest difference that I can see off the hop is the new formula, (FRESH for Her) is darker in colour. It has a slightly different scent than the original, but I really like both. The FRESH version has lavender, rosemary, sage, thyme and peppermint, giving an earthy yet surprisingly fresh scent.   I found both were equally effective in preventing my STANK but the FRESH version did leave dark marks on light clothing, so I made sure to wear it with tanks or dark wash shirts only.

She notified me she is reformulating FRESH so the staining will no longer be an issue. I would re-purchase regardless. My experience with the product has been positive. I do reapply the deodorant if I have been busy in the hot sun or if I work out, but I would with the old fashioned stuff too so this is nothing new. I found it took a few days to get my body used to it, as if I had to detox the old stuff first before it worked to its full capacity. However, I don’t think this took even a week.

The other product I ordered was SOAK. The only downside is it made a mess in the tub and I would recommend showering after (its earthy brown and I have white towels) but I couldn’t believe how soft my skin was after my bath. Unreal. It has active cannabis and warns you could feel euphoric, but I did not feel “high.” I equate it to a lavender infused bath on steroids. I felt very very relaxed, ready for bed, but not foggy, drowsy or extremely happy. This is also being reformulated into bath bombs and I can’t wait. I saw a teaser pic and they look super rad!

She kindly sent me some testers and I have been using them like crazy. First she sent me MAGIK which has become like Frank’s Red Hot, I literally put that shit on everything. Cut? MAGIK. Bruise? MAGIK. Oh, you have a mosquito bite? MAGIK. Boyfriend broke your heart? MAGIK. It smells great, works amazing, and I feel is a necessity for any first aid kit.

My second favourite is her HEAT tester, which is beneficial for autoimmune flare ups, arthritis or pain. You can smell the ginger, cayenne and black peppers, juniper and it has that slight yellow colour from the turmeric. With my husband being a runner and weight lifter, I feel as if this will become his best friend. Also, as a massage therapist I would also use this for nearly all my clients!

Aside from these formulas Tiffany has other products ranging from beard conditioner, sun screen, massage oils, intimate lubricants, men’s deodorant, and a multitude of other salves and creams.

Click the link HERE to check out her shop.

Wishing you all good health and wellness,

sat nam
M

 

photos courtesy of Bare Coconut Taboo-

*this post is not sponsored, it is a reflection of my own opinion and experience.

1st class

1st class

I taught my very first official meditation class last night to a beautiful group of souls. I wasn’t nervous going in to it but as soon as I started I felt a little wisp of doubt well up inside me.

I finished the first meditation and journaled my experience, finishing with, “I can do this, I was meant for this, and this is my calling. Just keep going!”

Before beginning the next meditation I quickly pulled a card and this was what came up. A little reminder that I’m being supported and that my dreams are becoming a reality, I just need to be patient.

I can only giggle to myself because it never fails when I pull a card, to get exactly what I need to hear. I’ve been told my Archangel is Jophiel and she delivered right when I needed it. And every time I pull cards for myself I always get the same answer.

Just. keep. going.

Be Patient.

And as we settled into the next meditation I felt myself grow calm and comfortable and was able to smoothly finish the rest of the class.

I felt supported. I felt connected. And I couldn’t help but feel as if this was just the beginning to something really fun, beautiful, and always, transformational.

Sat nam

M

  • kombucha
  • kombucha
  • kombucha
  • kombucha
  • kombucha

kombucha

Kombucha. That delicious fermented, fizzy, slightly sweet, refreshing tea that all the yogi’s seem to drink. You can buy it for a pretty penny in a health food store or some grocery stores, but really it is so easy and cheap to make its a shame if you don’t.

Kombucha is described above, but what exactly is it? It is a fermented tea, using a ‘Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast’ or a SCOBY. The process of fermentation rids the tea of any sugar and creates the fizzy deliciousness associated with the drink. Kombucha has many health benefits; it is rich in antioxidants, probiotics, aids digestion and detoxifies the liver, kidneys and other organs.

My favourite part about Kombucha is how easy and cheap it is to make, the taste, and that it is virtually sugar free. I don’t drink sugar filled drinks, juice or even “zero calorie” drinks because while something might be zero calorie that doesn’t mean its good for you. If there is any residual sugar left over from fermentation I would take that along with the health benefits of kombucha over juice and chemicals. It is refreshing, reminds me a bit of a wine cooler and has completely replaced any alcohol I would normally leisurely drink.

There is a slight alcohol content, this unfortunately isn’t something you can measure with a home brew, but it will likely be less than 1%. So its up to you whether to drink it while pregnant or breastfeeding, or to give to children. I did all three of these things as I stick to only one glass at a time anyway. If you have never had it before I would experiment with one cup first then move on to drinking more at a time- it can “get things working” if you catch my drift.

So, to make Kombucha you will need a few supplies.

 

1 pot for boiling water that will hold about a gallon of water

Slightly less than 1 gallon of water.

1 SCOBY

1 cup of starter fluid (plain Kombucha)

1 Gallon glass jar (must be glass)

5 black tea bags

1 Cup of organic sugar

4 pop-top bottles for 2nd fermentation

Fruit of your choice for flavouring

 

First off, fill your pot with the gallon of water and bring to a boil.

Add your tea bags and 1 cup of sugar and steep for 5 minutes.

Remove tea bags and let it cool completely. If it is too hot it will kill the SCOBY

Place your SCOBY and starter fluid in your gallon glass jar.

Add your cooled down black tea to the glass jar with the SCOBY and starter fluid.

Place cheesecloth or a thin cloth on top and secure with a rubber band to allow air flow.

Put in a dark place thats room temperature, or on top of your kitchen cupboards and let it ferment for 1-2 weeks. Longer the fermentation the stronger the taste. So it depends on your preference.

You might notice a vinegary smell, this is normal its all part of the process. Your SCOBY can double in size, and you will see another baby SCOBY growing off of the mother. This is great! The SCOBY can turn sideways, sit at the top or bottom and this is all fine. You may also see brown strings in the tea, this is also normal.

 

After a week or two has passed, take your gallon jar out and remove the SCOBY. You can filter out your Kombucha if you wish, but I just leave it and string out any brown bits. Your extra SCOBY can be split and you can give it to your friend, or keep it in another jar as part of a SCOBY hotel. Or compost it, dehydrate it, candy it and eat it, or throw it away. Whatever you want to do.

Next is the 2nd fermentation. This is the process of flavouring your Kombucha and it takes 2-7 days. So bottle your Kombucha into the pop top bottles and add a few tablespoons of fruit. My favourites are lemon ginger, ginger peach, blueberry, strawberry and apple cinnamon. You can add just about anything. You can also add a small tsp of sugar at this point to each bottle to assure it gets that extra fizzy-ness. Make sure you keep a cup of plain kombucha for a starter fluid for your next batch and add your SCOBY back into your glass gallon jar along with this starter fluid.

You can make a new batch right away, or just leave it as is until you’re running low on ‘buch.

Make sure to release the carbonation from the pop-top bottles each day or you will have a bit of a mess. If you forget to, just open it outside and bring a towel. For some reason, strawberries always fizz more for me than blueberries or lemons, most likely because of the sugar content.

 

I like to ferment mine for 7 and 2 days for each fermentation. After I place in the fridge and this slows down any extra fermentation. However if I don’t get to it right away I will filter out any berries or whatever I used for my 2nd fermentation as I don’t like it to get too fermented. This is simply personal preference.

Pop top bottles aren’t necessary, but they do keep the carbonation in and I like that. If you’re local to me, I got mine at Water Pure and Simple for about $5 a piece, but any wine or beer making store should carry these.

 

Happy brewing!

 

sat nam

M

  • mandala

mandala

Mandala   Man•da•lah

a geometric figure representing the Universe

Mandala means circle in Sanskrit. It represents wholeness, unity, togetherness. It is a reminder of our infinity into the cosmos. It reminds us how we are all one. That the light in me is the light in you. That we all are of the same energy, created from the same place of Love.

Mandalas can be used to tell a story; your story, and illustrate your journey as you make our way through your days.

Mandalas are used in meditation, to absorb one into the design, to set intentions, and then pray to manifest them. They are used to calm the mind, let the mundane thoughts slip away and focus in to your true self.

I get questioned lots on ‘how does this help? how could this possibly make the world better? how does prayer do anything?”

And it is the fundamental aspect of unity, the change of self , that makes a difference. Because when the Ego falls away, when judgment, comparison, and separation of self dissipates, and we see everyone for what they are: A Soul, the same as us- a miracle happens. Think, if everyone thought to see each other a beings of Love instead of labels – how beautiful a place would we live in?

Its hard to change the world, but its easier to change yourself. So start there. Set the intentions of love, peace and compassion and they will ripple out into the Universe. This ripple will reflect back, as the Universe is an echo, leaving miracles and peace in its wake.

sat nam

m

(mandala dress by California Moonrise)

  • reiki level 1
  • reiki level 1

reiki level 1

At the beginning of August I attended my first Reiki course. If you’re unsure what Reiki it, it is a flow of energy within us all, our life force, which can be harnessed and directed for healing. As children we naturally connect to this energy quite easily but as we age, become hardened and closed off, we slowly lose the ability to tap in as swiftly and as powerfully as we once did. So at a Reiki course you are introduced once again and attuned to the energy in order to practice this ancient healing art again.

I have known of Reiki since I was a child and was always unsure of it. I was closed off to the idea of other people manipulating my energy, what if something went wrong and they ruined it? I learned this weekend, it doesn’t really work like that. Basically the practitioner is a channel that directs Reiki into you, and your own Reiki already knows exactly where it needs to flow to support you. It’s something everyone has and can do, and needs! Also something I was unaware of. I thought only “special people” could do Reiki. I began to open more to the idea of Reiki as I moved deeper into what I feel is my gift. With that shift, I have become extremely sensitive to energy work as well as any imbalances I have in myself and others.

I have become very sensitive to my environment, gemstones and people. I know I am a sponge when it comes to energy, and highly intuitive, but it was beginning to become a bit of a problem. I stay at home, I try to avoid large crowds. The mall and parties used to be my happy place, a place I felt energized and it now leaves me exhausted. When the world bleeds, I bleed. My heart gets heavy and I retreat into my home, my safe place and contemplate the world while I struggle to heal.

My intention in learning Reiki was to learn to control the energy around me and protect myself on an energetic level. I wanted to heal myself, my children, and honestly, my plants! I wanted one more tool in my healing tool box to grow my spirit on this journey. And boy, did I ever grow.

I never thought I would change so much in one weekend. Upon entering a deep meditative state I met my Reiki Spirit Guide who turned out to be my Grandmother who passed 42 years ago. I have written about her before and the tragedy surrounding her life in my Postpartum Depression posts. As I walked towards her in my meditation, surrounded by towering trees, her short black hair and black caftan confusing me for a moment as I was unsure who it was. She reached her arm up and I saw her olive skin clearly. I stood by her side and the hand reaching up found mine and there she grasped my hand in hers.

She told me she was my guide in this life. That she’s been with me on and off for years, but every day in the last year since my own battle with depression. She told me, “I fell through the cracks, but I wasn’t going to let that happen to you.”

She told me she communicates in roses. They are her symbol, she embodies them. I immediately thought back to a rose I once had that just would. not. die. It was nearly there, in the water for a month. And off the side of the rose grew a new leaf, a new life. I remember staring at it and wondering, “who is here with me?” Even my mother, also very intuitive, asked who was watching over me.

I then remembered the rose bush my dad picked out and recently planted, which I remembered thinking was really really odd. He isn’t a gardener. He doesn’t really do those types of things. She told me she guided him to it. He bought it for her, so she could communicate with him. Along with that message she had other messages for my dad which I have since passed on to him.

I couldn’t help but believe in this encounter and message from roses, as strange as this is to most people. As I journaled my experience in the other room following my meditation, complete quiet enveloping the house as another student received an attunement and I waited for my own; the front door slowly creaked open. No wind. No one else outside. All of us heard it. All of us equally confused, but all of us feeling the extra person in the room. We knew we were not alone. I knew. My hands vibrating, my heart pounding as I stared at the open door.

And of course, the next day as I came into the house there on the table was a bouquet of pink roses on the table. Gifted to our teacher from another student, all of them unaware of my experience the previous day, my deep connection to roses. Some would call it a coincidence…but in my heart I knew it wasn’t. It was a gift, a message, the loudest I LOVE YOU- I SEE YOU- I have ever received.

This weekend was empowering and transformational. I grew together with two other women, and deepened my relationship with my friend and teacher Sara (you can find her here at @LiveWellMyLove.)

Since my training I have been exploring my new gift and experiencing more shifts. I feel content. I trust, finally, in the plan the Universe has for me. I feel comfortable in just letting things happen. I see signs all the time, and I am incredibly open to trying new things. Exploring what interests me, letting go of what didn’t work or no longer serves me, and moving on to something else; without guilt. Without struggle.  And that alone is a beautiful thing, enough to know that my choice in learning Reiki was a divinely guided experience.

What is the Universe encouraging you to do? What interests you? I hope this posts gives you the courage to try something new and possibly find a piece of yourself in the process. All the love and light to you, Dear Reader.

sat nam

M

rock&gem
rock&gem
rock&gem
rock&gem

rock&gem

I grew up in a small town, tucked away in a valley in the foothills. The stores closed at six, there was a few restaurants, and only one grocery store. I spent my days playing in a field behind my house, until we moved and I had a forest instead to play in. I climbed 80 foot spruce trees, collected little treasures from the forest most of it in my hair, played in the creek, and always, always came home absolutely filthy. Once in awhile we trekked to the city, for dental appointments back to school clothes and to go to Wal Mart (it was a big deal back then.) Every time we went we begged to go the to the studio and see Rick.

The studio was formally called the Rock and Gem Studio, and while I forget the name of the street it was on, my feet can take me there even today. I knew we were headed there next just by the way the car swayed with turns. I’d name the stores as they passed by my window, anxiously waiting. I always thought magic was a bit made up…my mum did everything she could to keep it alive, to keep us believing in faeries and santa and whatnot; but this place really sealed it for me and had me believing magic was real. The air buzzed when you walked in, five steps down into a basement suite. The lights were low, floors wooden, gemstones everywhere, out in the open to touch and feel. The gentleman who ran it, Rick, was the epitome of magic.

Here we learned about all the treasures of the earth. He would tour us about his store, excitedly grabbing different clusters, “you HAVE to feel this one!” he would say and would wrap our fingers around it. We would leave, pockets brimming with Tiger’s Eye and Rose Quartz and Black Tourmaline. Our necks adorned with jewels, wrists jingling. It was here my brother created incredible jewelry, a wolf howling over a piece of Moonstone he carved and polished for hours. It was here I received my first Amethyst and Rosewood wand, delicately crafted, brimming with energy. We picked up books on Chakras, and read about meditation. My brother and I would sit cross-legged reading together, thumbing through rock books and dumping out our treasures to examine.

I also believe it was here, the seed was planted for all I was to become, to fulfill my true purpose someday.

I think we tend to underestimate the power that a single moment can have on our life. To some, it was just a little memory. But when I felt like I was losing it all, and I couldn’t for the life of me seem to find a direction, somewhere to plant my feet; I turned to my roots and tried undoing all that had been done since I first felt lost.

Like following a rope blindly through water to the shore, I traced my way back, through years of heartache and fear until I was looking at that fearless girl I once knew. Defiant scowl, blonde braid, dirty fingernails. The one who wasn’t afraid of anything. The one who was so sure of herself.

I decided then and there to just do the things that felt true to me. No matter how weird, or what someone might thing of me. I don’t care much for what people think of me, yet there are those select few, decided by some unknown criteria unbeknownst to me, who’s opinions seem to mean the most. I did it anyway.

The past is just memories, it holds no power and means nothing. I don’t live there, and I don’t try to recreate it. I’m thankful for those memories, and gratitude is all I have for the past. But I do believe these moments are tucked away in me, on a cellular level, and in moments of desperation, and in moments of deep integration, I can call upon these answers nested away in me. I have everything I need within me, all the answers, all the directions, and all the motivation.

Hoping and wishing for you, Dear Reader, to connect and find that Inner Child too.

sat nam

M